Editorial: Why I’m brought to tears…

From an outsider I may look like a crazy woman who can't control myself or is hysterical on occasion.  My speech will cut out suddenly for which I can't seem to control, I might break into tears at the drop of a hat, or even give every last penny I have to someone in need.  Why am I crying?

Have you ever felt the heart of God so near to you that all you can do is stop? Stop talking, stop controlling your emotions, stop holding yourself back?  What if the heart of God was overwhelming in each of his children and all we could do is cry, fall to our knees at the sight of His beautiful creation, or see the pain, burden, fear, and need in someone's eyes and all you can do is give them everything you have, all because you know that we are here to care for the needy and God will care for your needs in return.

Sometimes I cry when I see someone hurting so bad that they just want to give it all up and run away. I cry because I long for them to trust that God will heal?

I asked my husband last night if he thought it was strange that I had no idea how we were going to make it through the next month, how God was going to get me though this aliment that has had me down for two months unable to work, or if I was even going to have a job after this week. I asked him if it was strange that even after all of that worry and fear that I could just know that God would handle it? That I could have such faith that even if I feel hopeless or haven't been as faithful to Him as I would like, that I would just know that He will get us through it?

I had to raise myself in the Word of God.  I didn't have someone who made sure I was in the Word everyday as a child...just me.  I knew how important God was even back then.  I spent every night pouring over the scripture.  I developed my faith in God, one led by what the Bible says.

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. -Matthew 18:2-4

I knew I had to be strong because I was all I had for spiritual guidance.  Me and God.  Can you imagine a more intimate relationship?  Strip away everything else, everyone else. Just you and God.  I took to heart the verse above about the faith of a child.  Humility is the opposite of the "all knowing" adult that we are all raised to be.  An adult who can rationalize out of anything or who will argue their point to death even if half way through they could remember what they were arguing for anymore.  I grew up. I grew up as an adult should be except for one thing.  I wanted my faith to be as soft, moldable, and humble as I could.

Humble I say, you might laugh because I am talking about this to you now.  It is not to boast or to bring light to myself but rather to what God has called his children to be.  He wants us to be soft and moldable. To be humble and yearning.

Can you imagine what the faith of a child is?  A child who has faith in God is one who has no doubts but just knows that He is God. Black is black and white is white and He is God.  No other option.  Knowing He is God they have no worry, apprehension, fear, or reluctance to instantly do what they know God wants them to do.  They know when someone needs help and they offer what they have.  The faith of a child is everything Jesus is. Action without fear of consequences.  Giving, Loving, Thoughtful, and even a tear for those who can't see what they can see. God's beauty. God's faith in us.  God's promise to take care of us. God's desire for us to not worry where our next meal will come from or if we will still have a job next week. Just God. The faith of a child is what I pray I have each day with every tear.


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